13 - Consciously Creating Reality
Years and many success stories beyond the days I first started to consciously create my own reality it was neare the end of 2005 and I sat with my laptop in my living room with my lover nearby. I was reading the journal I keep that keeps me focused on my life dreams.
It was a few months into our new relationship that had appeared out of nowhere and was so excellent it seemed to me. As I read that day the text I had read over and over again in the area of "Romance, Sex, Husband, Wife, Children, And a Family" that described my dream as if it had come true I started to feel very excited and even incredulous.
It seemed that even though I had written all these paragraphs long before I met this new woman and started this new relationship that every word and every detail was absolutely true about her and me now. Even though I knew for sure that this had been written BEFORE I met her, and even though I knew that what I was now living was exactly described in what I wrote I still had this now more and more familiar and very strange feeling.
Even to this day I don't know how to explain the consciousness and the emotion at that moment when something you once dreamed is now just now come true. It shakes me up. I suppose you could compare it to the visual image of a stargate. The process whereby you travel by dematerializing and then rematerializing into the new reality.
At that moment of realization that what was once only dreamed is now come true, or coming true is that feeling of the whole journey in that one moment. It feels like stepping through the stargate. Only the difference being this takes time and space, and yet when it completes its cycle it feels exactly like going through a stargate from one reality into another through a process of dematerialization of the old, and rematerialization of the new.
I think that is what I find so incredible and difficult to describe.
In any case the feeling was happening really strong while I sat there and read that to myself on my laptop. And re-read it checking over and over again each idea set forth in the script I had one only imagined, desired, and expected and written down. I asked her to come into the room and could I read this all to her and I explained I had written it all down BEFORE we ever met.
She agreed that it was a perfect description of us.
Now that all might seem pretty amazing and really incredible and it is and she was and that relationship was, in so many ways. And yet that was the start of a very new and much greater challenge for me in consciously creating reality. Because that was only one of 12 areas of life that I had written down in my ClearTalk journal. What about the other 11 areas of my life and the scripts I had written down for them?
I know I did not have the same experience with all those areas. Some yes, some no. The very process I had designed for what I came to fondly call manifesting the total package became a reminder and a guide that all was not at all totally manifested. I could have taken that as a warning but I was still learning of the powers of total life transformation. I was still getting somewhat caught up in the limitations of manifesting my so-called success in one are while finding it sorely lacking in other areas.
This is no way diminished my absolute knowing that I had really done it in that one area and in other areas and over and over again in my life and other people's lives with them and helping them to do it for them. It was just that I didn't realize at the time because I was not choosing to pay attention to all that was NOT yet materialized. Nor the impact that could have. By late 2007 I had entirely lost that relationship. It was excellent all along and I loved it all and yet not paying attention to the whole package I feel led me astray and I made choices and put energy and focus into the areas that were manifesting while not giving enough care to the ones that were not.
I still hadn't yet appreciate that I can have it all. And that does not mean that I do have it all, it means I can. And so I wasn't making that choice to do what I could do to have it all. I was settling for what was not it all and denying and ignoring or at least not giving my all to all the areas.
Now it is 2012 and I can tell you that in some ways the last five years for me have been very much about going into the places of my self, and my life that I didn't want to go in pursuit of having it all. The ClearTalk technique was already getting me to focus on my whole life dream and I give that technique and my continuing to use it with helping and supporting me to stay focused and thus stay in the process of transforming and transmuting ALL of me and ALL of my life so that with more depth, and more fullness, I could truly and consciously manifest my whole life dream.
For me one of my difficulties in manifesting is that I honestly feel that for myself it is better far better to consciously create reality in partnership together with female partnership. So when I create reality on my own it's a bit odd for me.
Nevertheless I continued to perservere and experiment as best as I could on my own. Different relationships came and went during those years and there was dabbling in conscious reality creation together and never did a full partnership engage. It ended up being five years of deep clearing that completely and entirely ended so many relationships in my life and even very old relationships. What indeed was happening?
It seemed that my darkest deepest fears and negativities and despairs and hopelessness and all that I had pushed away in my ways of doing well enough and yet not as full as I imagined were bringing all my forces into the light of consciousness even though i did not like it. My passion for having it all was pushing me to do things and see things and change things that I really did not want to change!
This is the power of the mental concentration. I know that I have continued to use my own Life Transformation System A-Z with the ClearTalk practice as a way of focusing and refining and holding the intention on my dream. I know this gives me a force that trumps all other forces inside and outside of me that seem to go against my dream coming true.
And it seemed that over these years this is what was happening more than anything. Deeper inner resources were being dug up and melted down into a new structure. A new willingness, and a new awareness. A new readiness for a whole new level of success consciously creating my own reality.
This 2012 I read the signs of my life journey and it seems to me that soon all comes into place. That it was worthy investment and a worthwhile endeavour to go for it all. So much has been lost all the way as opportunities and realities that seemed in so many ways to be so wonderful were passed by, or lived and then lost due to resonance magic. The resonance of the whole package actually shaking off even some very wonderful things that were not totally wonderfully and did not totally fit with the life I was imagining.